Submission in marriage is a unique relationship (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1). A wife is called to honor the requests of her husband in all areas of life, whether she agrees with his decisions or not. She is free to express her concerns and disagree with his decisions, and a godly husband will carefully consider her concerns. But he makes the final decision, and she should submit to it as long as it doesn't violate biblical principles.
See When to Disobey Authority.
Perhaps the greatest misunderstanding about marital submission is that it somehow makes the wife inferior. Not true. In every area of life, we need leadership. Typically, husbands let their wives make decisions in a variety of areas in the home. But as the leader, there are certain decisions where he has the final say.
No other relationship is like this.
This is the part women often fail to realize: their husband is judged by God for bad decisions he makes for his family, even if his wife convinces him to make the bad decision. If a wife sins, she's held responsible for her sin, but if she sins with her husband's approval, he is held responsible to a greater extent because he is the leader. That's why original sin is attributed to Adam, even though Eve took the first bite:
“For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.” 1 Corinthians 15:21-22
As a woman, I feel the position God gives women is a blessing in many ways that we fail to fully realize.
See Is Submission Degrading to Women? No!
There are certainly other areas of life where different types of submission are necessary. For example, the military.
I'm very familiar with the authority in the military because my husband retired from the military after 22 years of service. Those in command make decisions in training and battle, and those under them obey as long as the command isn't sinful. This is true for both males and females in military service.
But military leaders only have control over the soldier's military activities. They don't decide what he/she buys, who they marry, how many children they have, what church they attend, etc.
See An Army Wife's View of Submission.
For the Christian, there is also a type of submission in the church we choose to attend (1 Timothy 2).
But submission to church leaders is also very different from submission in marriage. Like the military, both male and female church members submit to church rules. But it doesn't apply to all areas of life like marital submission does. Church members can respectfully turn down a request to serve in a church ministry or outreach program if they don't feel they're able. They are also free to change churches if they aren't comfortable with the church rules.
In cults, the leaders often have unhealthy control over their members, dictating what house they should buy, how to handle their finances, who to marry, how many children to have, where to work, etc.
We can consult church leadership for help in making these types of decisions, but we are free to disagree with their counsel. If church leadership gets involved in these areas, they are not behaving scripturally. They are confusing submission in marriage with submission in fellowship.
If you would like to do a thorough Bible study on this issue, see Privilege, Responsibility, and Influence in Marriage, and be sure to read the one-minute introductions it recommends at the top.
I wish women would quit listening to feminist claims that submission is chauvinistic and degrading and understand that God has set it in place for our good. But it's important that we understand what submission actually means and how it applies in different relationships.
BLN
