Speaking His Love Language

different love languages
The first Christmas after we were married, my husband and I were on a tight budget. He was a college student working part-time at a minimum wage job and I was a breakfast waitress working for tips. 

We decided to spend $15 on each other for Christmas. 

When Christmas morning arrived, my husband opened the best gift I could get him for $15 (I've always been a bargain hunter), and I opened my $50 leather jacket.

That’s when I discovered my husband’s primary love language. 

Through the years, I’ve learned not to say I admire something expensive in a store unless I want to receive it for a gift later.

Dr. Gary Chapman's 5 love languages identify "your emotional communication preference"-- the way you feel most loved and connected. They include:
  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical touch
He suggests that you discover you spouse's love language by asking yourself these questions:
  1. How does he express love most often?
  2. What type of things does he request most often?
  3. What does he complain about most often?
Understanding your spouse's love languages helps you understand him/her better. If you'd like some gift suggestions for different love languages: Love Language Gift Ideas (this is not a sales post, just ideas).

You can answer a questionaire on Gary Chapman's site to help you define your love language:
5 Love Language with Gary Chapman

This is one of my marriage posts, but I'd love to have you sign up for a free subscription to my 1-Minute devotions and have them sent directly to your email box each weekday.  It's free! Find out how easy it is HERE.


  1. Gail,
    I like the diagnostic questions. The answers, I agree, will be very helpful in pinpointing a spouse's (or adult child's or friend's) love language, hence helping us better speak love to them. Thanks for the reminder :)

  2. Great example of the Love Languages. Found your from the Mommy Moments Monday Blog Hoppin':)
    Thaleia from www.Something2offer.com

  3. This is a great reminder as we enter into the Christmas season and want to get the best gift for our spouses, Gail. I don't know that I've contemplated my husband's love language in reference to the gifts I'm giving him. Silly, I know. But I'll have to give this a try! :)

  4. I love Gary Chapman's book! as the wife of a law enforcement officer I have found that hubbys love language is definitely acts of service.. He loves to come home to a clean home, happy babies and dinner on the table... maybe a little chauvinistic to the outside world, but I don't mind it one bit :)

    I'm so glad I found you through Mommy Moments :)

  5. All of which I really need to work on, thanks for sharing, I love to hear Gary Chapman...
    Have a super blessed day!

  6. Great post! I'm not very patient with people who don't play by the rules -- especially if they were involved in setting those rules.

  7. This is something my daughter (30) and I talk about often. Acts of service are what touch my heart when received and what I prefer to give. My husband prefers giving gifts, receiving words of affirmation.

    Again, thank you for linking! ♥

  8. So glad you brought this up - my husband and I had a steep learning curve in this department, because gifts are one of his love languages and very absolute last on my list. It has been a hard road to learn what seems so simple, but we are both well blessed by our progress!

  9. Gail,
    I loved the story about your husband and the leather jacket. Our daughter is a gift-giver. Even the smallest token of a gift makes her day! Thanks for sharing at Deep Roots At Home!