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No. Arguing is not a sign of a bad marriage. As the old adage goes: “If the two of you agree on everything, then one of you is unnecessary.”
It’s natural and healthy to have differences of opinion and even have conflict from time to time. But healthy marriages resolve the conflict in healthy ways.
Please note I said RESOLVE.
I’ve been married 41 years (42 next month) and from my experience and the experience of other Christians I know, very few married couples always argue maturely.
Marriage is 24/7 and that means we sometimes disagree when we’re tired, sleepy, passionate, hormonal, upset, discouraged, sick, etc. If we expect all conflict in our marriage to be mature, healthy, and kind, we’re going to be disappointed. Healthy marriages exist because spouses don't give up when things get "messy," and because they give each other lots of grace and forgiveness.
We should strive to argue constructively and show self-control during disagreements, making it a matter of prayer to:
- Keep our voice at a normal level
- Not make broad generalizations (e.g. “You always disappoint me.”)
- Not bring up unrelated grievances
- Not hit below the belt (say things that we know will deeply hurt or agitate our spouse.)
This is where the RESOLVE part comes in. When we’ve blown it, we should repent in healthy, constructive ways. See my post about How to Apologize if you’d like some extra help in this area.
Caveat: If you have an anger problem—if you run off, throw things, hit, scream, cuss, etc., you need to be daily memorizing Scripture verses about overcoming anger, and you need to set up an accountability relationship. This kind of behavior shouldn’t be a part of arguments, even "messy" ones.
See also: 3 Major Reasons for Conflict
Some resources I read for this post: Why Couples Argue Couples Who Argue Stay Together
Image from Imagery Majestic, FREE DIGITAL PHOTOS. net
This is one of my weekly marriage posts, but I post a 1-Minute devotion each weekday on my home page. If you'd like to subscribe to these 1-minute devotions, please subscribe below. Thanks! Gail