Family is important! We should have loyalty and concern for our family members that places them in high priority. Parents should be nurturing their children and helping them mature. Adult children should be showing their parents honor in tangible ways.
But we must be careful not to let our focus on family distort our priorities. Sometimes family can become a convenient excuse for neglecting other purposes God has for us.
We need to ask ourselves some hard questions:
Are we indulging our children and encouraging their selfishness or are we teaching them to think of others (Philippians 2:3-4)?
Are we focusing on the wants and needs of one family member while neglecting responsibilities to other family members. For example, focusing on our children but losing regular contact with our parents.
Are we teaching our children (by our example and our words) to make sacrifices for God and others or are we helping them become selfish and self-centered (Matthew 16:24)?
Are we seeking our purposes or God's purposes (Matthew 6:33)?
God doesn't want us to neglect our family. But neither does He want us to put their desires above His purposes (Ephesians 2:10).
Matthew 10: 37-38 makes this clear:
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”
For more on family priorities:
A Wheel, Not a List
Needs vs. Wants
Selfish Marriages
Lovely post! I do think that teaching our children to be self-indulgent and self-centered is not TRULY family friendly in the long run, anyway - it just FEELS like it at the moment.
ReplyDelete"Adult children should be showing their parents honor in tangible ways."
ReplyDeleteGail, May I ask you what this might look like, specifically where helping aging parents comes into play?
Thank you so much!
Peace,
~Annie in NH, USA
Such a great question, Annie.
DeleteHonoring Parents is a collection of devotions I've written about various aspects of honoring our parents.
I think the key aspects of honoring aging parents are regular contact, respectful interactions, forgiveness if they've hurt us, and understanding their needs.
My parents died many years ago (my mom died when I was still in my 40's). So our experiences with aging parents have been with my husband's family. Our experiences are somewhat different in that we've had a nomadic lifestyle due to military and ministry moves, so we haven't lived in the same state as my husband's parents most of our married life. When my father-in-law started developing dementia, we determined that we would set aside money in our budget so my husband could fly to see his parents every three months to help with their needs. My in-laws had a good network of friends and family in town, but we wanted to honor them and let them know we cared.
When my father-in-law died, we asked my mother-in-law if she wanted to come and live near us and she didn't. She's lived in one place for more than 50 years, and, as I said, she has a good network of friends and family. But, in spite of this, she's made it clear that she appreciates and needs our regular visits and regular phone calls.
My husband's mother is quite unusual, living on her own at age 95 and still driving and getting out.
Some "tangible ways" we help her (these will be different for each person): doing her taxes and helping her with decisions about home repairs and car repairs, being aware of her needs and her growing limitations as she ages and helping her find ways to make her life more comfortable and less stressful. I enjoy picking out meaningful gifts for her and thinking of ways to make her holidays more fun and meaningful.