An increasing number of adult children are marginalizing or cutting off their aging parents.
However, even secular sources recognize that “Grandparent alienation is a type of elder abuse … when grandparents are unreasonably denied meaningful opportunities to have a relationship and spend time with their grandchildren.” (source)
God couldn’t be clearer about honoring parents:
Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 6:1-3 command it with a promise attached to stress its importance.
During Old Testament times, Exodus 21:15,17, Leviticus 20:9, and Deuteronomy 21:18-21 called for the death of children who attacked or “cursed”* their parents.(1)
Deuteronomy 5:16, 27:16, and Leviticus 19:3 further stress honoring parents, and Proverbs 19:26, 20:20, 28:24, and 30:17 strongly rebuke those who curse, scorn, or rob their parents.
Romans 1:28-32 and 2 Timothy 3:1-3 list evil practices of depraved people, and disrespect for parents is on both lists.
First Timothy 5:3-4,8 explains the duty of children to care for the needs of their parents.
And in Matthew 15:1-9, Christ rebukes the Pharisees for encouraging people to prioritize the church above their parents. He refers to this as cursing* their parents, letting us know that cursing parents is not simply about words. And He ends with this strong statement:
“These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.”
If we dishonor our parents, we also dishonor God, bringing damage to our souls.
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and the most popular post on our Bite Size Bible Study blog:
For more on the ungodly Boundaries teachings, see:
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(1) These were Old Testament civil laws given to the nation of Israel during a specific time in their history, a time when they were learning to follow God and separate themselves from the pagan nations around them. The death sentence is not part of the New Covenant in Christ, but this shows how God views disrespect for parents.
BLN
What happens if you have a very abusive mother?? I’m sorry, but I will not take her yelling and screaming at me. Life is much more peaceful without her in it. I do not hate her, nor do I hold any ill will towards her, I just want her to leave me alone because she cannot be a nice person toward me🤦🏻♀️
ReplyDeleteHi Susan,
DeleteYou start your comment by asking a valid question, but then you explain that you've already made up your mind that you're completely confident that your mother is hopeless and you're doing the right thing.
Maybe I'm wasting my time, but since you asked the question, I'll share what I think is the biblical response.
If your mother begins yelling and screaming the minute you see her and doesn't stop until you leave, I think you should be doing your best to get your mother some help.
If you're saying that sometimes your mother yells and screams at you, then I think you can learn how to deal with it biblically without cutting her off, and I believe Scripture is very clear that should be your goal.
I have a post that explains how we can grow up in our faith and learn how to handle difficult people without being manipulated by them. So, if you are open, please check it out:
Boundaries versus Guidelines
I am trying my best to honor my 86yr old parents. However, when they continue to verbally abuse me due to issues they have brought upon themselves, it's becoming harder to respect and honor them. I do not enjoy being screamed at and continually told I am worthless and stupid because they have issues that I have nothing to do with. So what does the Bible say about that kind of situation?
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon
DeleteI'm sorry that you are dealing with this situation, but the thing we need to realize as Christians is that God never tells us to take the easy way out when it comes to our parents. As you can see by the many Scripture passages addressing this subject, it's important to God.
When I write about this subject, some people assume I've never had to deal with difficulties in my parental relationships, but they're wrong. Instead, I have learned that God can provide ways to deal with recurring difficulties biblically. Was it hard? Yes it was, especially at first. But it helped me mature in my faith.
God never tells us to take the easy way out. He expects us to grow up in our faith. He expects us to learn how to handle manipulative parents without being manipulated. He expects us to forgive others repeatedly. He expects us to learn ways to avoid getting into a fight, even when parents bring up difficult subjects repeatedly.
I encourage you to check out my post called Boundaries versus Guidelines
It talks about ways to avoid conflict without cutting off contact.
I believe God will bless you in many ways for persevering in your relationship with your parents and honoring them out of love and respect for Christ. And I've prayed for you as well.