Speck-Finders - Adult Children Who Judge Parents Hypocritically

The majority of adults are "speck-finders" when it comes to their parents, but the blessings belong to "Log-removers." This 1-minute devotion explains.

For years I was a “speck-finder”—a Pharisee who went beyond Scripture by creating impossible rules, regulations, and expectations for my parents. 

Modern psychology has encouraged us to blame others, especially parents, for our insecurities, failures, weaknesses and sins. 

In fact, we usually get so busy evaluating, psychoanalyzing, and judging our parents that we overlook our own mistakes and sinful behavior toward our parents

Worst of all, we dishonor our Perfect Parent when we ignore the fifth command. 

This command:
  • Is one of the Father’s “Top Ten” (Exodus 20:12).
  • Is a New Testament command (Ephesians 6:2-3).
  • Has no age limit or excuse attached.
  • Includes a wonderful promise for those who honor their parents.
God expects us to be “log-removers,” not “speck-finders” in all of our relationships, but especially in our relationship with our parents. 

“First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your [parent's] eye.” Matthew 7:5 (paraphrased)

May we ask God's help in doing this!

© copyright Gail Burton Purath, 2011 

Some additional resources that will help you learn how to honor your parents:
4 Ways to Honor Parents by Dennis Rainey
Honoring Difficult Parents by Sabrina Beasley McDonald
Adults and the Fifth Commandment by Gail Purath
Honoring Your Parents: Are You Helping or Hindering Your Spouse? by Dennis Rainey 
God Didn't Ask the Impossible, only the Incredibly Difficult  - an article written from a Jewish perspective with good thoughts for the Christian as well.

Note: This devotion does not address children who have been physically or sexually abused by parents. They must seek godly Christian counsel in handling their relationship with their parents.


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The majority of adults are "speck-finders" when it comes to their parents, but the blessings belong to "Log-removers." This 1-minute devotion explains.

The majority of adults are "speck-finders" when it comes to their parents, but the blessings belong to "Log-removers." This 1-minute devotion explains.

Bible Love Notes


  1. I had to severe connections with my mom and two siblings because they were abusive toward me. I see no reason to continue to subject myself to their verbal assaults, dismissive attitudes and demeaning hurtful actions. My two siblings are not believers but my mom is. I cannot associate with them any more, but I do continue to pray for them always and choose to forgive them for their behavior and words. But that is as far as I will go.

    1. Hi Soteriagal,
      It is very rare that God would actually lead a Christian to severe connections with their mother and siblings, especially with their Christian mother.

      Our modern culture believes that we have a God-given right to be treated carefully and respectfully by everyone, but Scripture says:

      Romans 12:14-21: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

      If we can't do these type of things with the family God gave us, then we will never experience the blessings and purposes God has for us.

      “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

  2. The article about the difficult father (in the Jewish site "Aish") was very helpful for me. Thank you for posting it. It underlined what I have been thinking about and attempting to do with my own father. I shall keep it up as I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel! As long as we stay away from politics!