Teaching Children about Needs & Desires

Please read A Wheel, Not a List as an introduction to this devotion.

In the last 40-50 years, there's been a shift in Christian thinking that often makes the family, especially children, an idolatrous priority. 

I first heard it at a Bible study: 

"Whenever our children want something we should drop everything and be there for them." 

This statement was presented as part of a discussion on building our children's self-esteem, being a good mom, putting our family first, being unselfish, assuring our children they were loved.

Many Most of us bought into it, to one extent or another. 

And it continues to influence most Christian parents today. In fact, the statements we hear from fellow believers have grown in scope and deception: "Tell your child he's wonderful, and he'll be wonderful."  "Let your child know that no matter what he does, he's awesome."

But research shows we damage children if we teach them that the world revolves around their desires. They don't become awesome simply because we say they're awesome. Constant, undeserved praise actually makes them arrogant, selfish, and unmotivated.

Multiple studies are now showing that high self-esteem, not low self-esteem, is the cause of selfishness, low achievement and criminal behavior (read more).

Christian children raised in the last 30-40 years tend to have more self-confidence than previous generations, but they're also more self-centered and less content than previous generations. 

In our desire to serve our families, we've ignored the trustworthy principles in God's Word without realizing we were doing it. 

But we can reverse things in our family by letting Philippians 2:3-4 be our guide:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." 

If we make God our #1 priority, we will never neglect the needs of our children, but we will:

• Put the needs of others above our children's selfish desires.
• Teach our children to be considerate of the needs and desires of others.

Why? Because it's what God tells us to do, and it creates a healthy self-esteem, not an inflated one.  
 
I have one final caution about the rigid priority list we Christians have created. I discuss it in Balanced Marriages.

image of man on gear: Free Digital Photos, renjith krishnan

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