She told our small group that God had spoken to her heart and revealed she was jealous and vindictive. Because I knew some of the problems she'd caused her roommates, I was relieved.
But her repentant words were barely out of her mouth when several members of our small group doused them with "unsanctified grace." When she left that day, she was convinced she'd been too hard on herself.
Thinking they were being "nice," her friends had actually encouraged her to ignore the conviction of the Holy Spirit. They didn't realize that sometimes down is up. Being sorrowful for sin is a good thing.
"Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor." James 4:9-10 NLT
When listening to someone's repentance, we must be careful not to interfere with the work of God's Spirit. We can comfort and encourage them without denying their need to repent.
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Bible Love Notes
Amen, Gail. That's why I encourage people to say, "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" That is more direct and tends to elicit a better response. "I'm sorry" is all about emotions, and especially we women tend to want to help others deal with negative emotions.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes we have to be strong in our repentance. When I told a friend, "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" she said, "No problem. We all make mistakes." I had to continue, "No, this was a sin problem. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" She got it. She forgave.
Great insights, Dawn.
DeleteI've had similar experiences when confessing sin (i.e. having someone brush it off), and I've not always been successful in getting them to acknowledge my request for forgiveness.
I remember a situation with my father in particular when I confessed a number of sins from my past to him. He had trouble even letting me finish, and I feel like he was telling me that everything I'd done was already forgiven long ago. But I think it was still important for me to confess to him.
I like your approach with your friend.
Um, yes! I've been guilty of this myself, downplaying something that needed to change just because I didn't want someone to feel bad about themselves. We need to trust that God can make them feel better when he gives them grace and forgiveness after they repent, and we don't need to preempt his process. Excellent insight you have here!
ReplyDeleteSo true, Lisa. I think how John the Baptist told the Pharisees who came to him for baptism that they must prove their repentance (Matthew 3:8) and Paul said something similar in Acts 26:20. I think we've gotten away from holding others accountable for sin--maybe because we don't want to be held accountable ourselves or maybe just because it's not done much in our culture.
DeleteDear Gail
ReplyDeleteThis, dear friend, is so necessary! I don't think true repentance from the heart is possible without quite a lot of sadness and heartache! Thanks for this wisdom!
Blessings XX
Mia
Motherhood helped me identify genuine repentance and false repentance. We can always tell when our children are sincere or simply trying to get out of a punishment. And we are like that ourselves.
DeleteI've been having conversations about true repentance. If we pray for forgiveness but keep doing the same thing, are we truly repentant? Have we turned? Why do we continue? Yes, even Paul says "Why do I do the thing I shouldn't do, instead of what I should do". Is it the flesh? Working out iyr Sanctification? or just plain sin? Yes we feel guilty, and apologize but are we truly repentant if we continue in the behavior? What say you?
ReplyDeleteHi Unknown,
DeleteWe will never be perfect, but we should be continueally growing closer to the Lord and the closer we get, the more we will realize our sins and the fewer sins we will commit. As you said, a person isn't truly repentant if they keep doing the same things over and over again.