Again, I think it’s best to let you hear from a dil who dealt with this problem biblically. This comes from Elizabeth Spence who has a great blog called Warrior Wives:
“I'm thankful to have a mother-in-law whom I really respect, but it wasn't always that way. Early in our marriage, we struggled. I pulled away from her, criticized her opinions, and perceived every comment as a personal attack.”
“I know that I hurt her feelings many times by not attempting to form a relationship with her and by allowing hurtful words to flow off my tongue. I didn't realize that she was the person responsible for the man my husband was, the man I had fallen in love with.”Elizabeth discovered some of the same things I did with my mil: so much has to do with our perspective. I believe dils have more power than mils to build bridges or walls. And those who build walls are doing so at their own loss. It’s not honoring to God because He tells us to honor our parents. And placing our mil behind a wall will not make her more understanding, generous or flexible.
“My mother-in-law also struggled to consider our home as ‘our home’ rather than an extension of her own.”
“In my immaturity, I was easily offended by things she said until one day it occurred to me that she's not a mean person! Nothing she said came from a mean spirit! Once I learned that, I started to appreciate her much more.”
“I've come to learn that we are actually very similar in many ways. She's offered wisdom in difficult situations, and I can always rely on her to point me back to Scripture for answers. Currently, we're both involved in women's ministry and biblical counseling at our church. She calls me her "Personal Research Assistant" (for finding good counseling resources) and she's my Titus 2-style "Personal Blog Consultant" for when I come across issues that I have no idea how to handle on my marriage blog.”
Homework this week: Ask God to show you if you’ve built any walls in your relationship with your mil, and ask Him to help you tear them down with His love.
Til next week, Gail
For more insights:
Part 5: Disinterested In-Laws
Part 6: What Ruth & Naomi Teach Us
Part 7: Six Things I Did Wrong
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