When I Violated Scriptural Guidelines

First Corinthians 14:34-35 tells women to be silent in church, waiting to ask questions at home with their husbands.

But Acts 21:8-9 and 1 Corinthians 11:5 talks favorably of women praying and prophesying in church.

This lets us know that in certain church gatherings, women should be silent, but which ones? In When Women should Be silent in Church I explained the specific situation of publicly judging the message of men who prophesy. And I explained that women are prohibited from tasks in the church which place them in authority over men such as publicly judging a man's teaching. 

Scripture does not mention every situation but gives us these general guidelines. We must let God's Spirit guide us about the specifics.

I admit this sounded pretty confusing to me as a new Christian until I saw it play out in my life. 

More than 40 years ago, my husband and I were on the board of a military chapel. I represented the women's ministry and he was handling chapel finances. At one of the meetings the chaplain told us of his plans for a special program and I felt it violated Scriptural principles, so I spoke up in the meeting and told him I thought he was wrong and quoted the verses I thought his suggestion violated. I didn't say it rudely, but I let him know that I thought he was wrong.

Almost immediately, I felt a check in my spirit, and after talking with my husband after the meeting, we went to the chaplain and I apologized. We told him that we disagreed with his handling of the Christmas service, but I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to correct him in the chapel council meeting. I was grateful that he wasn't offended.

I see great wisdom in a wife keeping silent in situations like this until she and her husband can discuss it, combine their wisdom, and let the husband take the lead in handling it (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). 

Paul doesn't give us detailed specifics about when a woman should be silent, but God's Spirit can direct us. Being silent in such situations doesn't devalue women. It protects us, gives us unity with our husbands, and lets husbands deal with any negative feedback that might follow. 

This doesn't mean that our husbands are smarter than we are. It means we need each other. I can't tell you how many times my husband's thoughts on a subject have helped me think about it more clearly. And he feels the same way about my input.

To be honest, in the situation I describe, even a man would need to approach the chaplain carefully and respectfully in a church meeting.  This doesn't mean pastors don't need to be corrected or disagreed with. They do! But more often than not, it is best done in a private conversation. 

The main point is this: if we want to honor God's design for church leadership, we'll seek to do things carefully even if they are not fully defined in Scripture. It's clear that women should not be pastors or elders, but in other situations, we must depend on God's Spirit to guide us. 

The situation when I disagreed with the chaplain: The chaplain was planning a special Christmas service at the church and he said he was going to give special seating to persons above a certain rank. I felt that the church should be a place where the new recruit and the General stand on equal ground based on James 2:1-5 (below). My husband agreed and I expressed myself respectfully in our private meeting with my husband's agreement. But I felt it was inappropriate at the council meeting where the Chaplain was simply explaining his plan, not asking for opinions.

“My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?” James 2:1-5