Did You Marry the Wrong Person?

Did you marry the wrong person? This is the Christian response to that questions. #BibleLoveNotes #Bible #Marriage

I married my husband when I was nineteen and not yet a Christian. My reasons for falling in love were pretty "secular": I enjoyed his personality, I was physically attracted to him, I felt comfortable with him and liked how he treated me.

We've been married 48 years, so I suppose it's too late to ask:

Did I marry the wrong person?

There are many of you out there just like me. You married your husband for worldly reasons. So what does that mean? Could you have married the wrong man? Is there someone out there whom God intended for you? Should you look for him?

I found a quote that has a wonderful answer to this question:
“Although you do want to marry someone you are basically compatible with, marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right person than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you married.” 
Alisa Bowman, author of Project: Happily Ever After

I might reword this: healthy marriage has more to do with being the right person than marrying the right person.

There's a time we should ask if the other person is the right one to marry. But once we are married, we need to quit asking that question. No good comes from it. 

But great good comes from asking God to make us "the right person" for our spouse.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22,23

How To Get Your Relationship Back on Track - Woman's Day

This is one of my marriage posts, but the main purpose of my blog is 1-Minute devotions. If you'd like to find out how easy it is to sign up for a free subscription, you can do that HERE. Thanks! Gail 


Did you marry the wrong person? This is the Christian response to that questions. #BibleLoveNotes #Bible #Marriage

Bible Love Notes

17 comments:

  1. I think the notion that people have soul-mates is a huge factor in divorce. People get married and at the first sign of trouble think, "Oh no I missed my chance, this isn't my soul mate, he must still be out there somewhere"

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    1. Yes, soul-mates are gained by walking, together, through trials...not by "discovery."

      Our society has a huge misconception of this notion.

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  2. I really needed to read this. I've been struggling with this in my own life.

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  3. I like this~ as a single mom trying to not marry the wrong man, I sometimes wonder if there is a right man~ and ~ am I really the right woman for any man?

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  4. There really is this huge misconception that everyone has a "soul-mate." I think Hollywood or Satan or both got this myth started! ha! I agree wholeheartedly that it takes being the right person rather than finding the right person. Thanks so much for this encouragement!

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    1. I completely agree, Beth! We don't "discover" a soul-mate. Rather, we learn to be a soul-mate, as we walk, together, through the trials of life.

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  5. This is great! I love hearing this kind of perspective shed on marriage, as our culture gets it so backwards. Great point!

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  6. I think you are right on. Really any non-abusive marriage can work and last if both parties really want it to.

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  7. This is a great answer to the age-old question. There are several people I know who are recently divorced and most of them say they married the wrong person. They are blaming their mates for the failure of their marriages without taking responsibility for their part.

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    1. Sometimes, divorce really is the fault of only one party. Sometimes, one partner is doing all they possibly can do, while the other partner simply chooses to be hard-hearted.

      I'm not saying that's the case with your friends...I have no idea whether it is or not.

      However, the myth that "divorce is always the fault of both parties" is exactly that...a myth.

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  8. Thank you for this post. I needed this as of this moment.

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  9. A very good, encouraging post, Gail!

    Thank you for exploding our societal myth about the need to "discover" a soul-mate.

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  10. Very well said.
    Even if you married the wrong person, he's the right one now!

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  11. Gail, I have such a beautiful love story. I had been single for 13 years after a very bad marriage. I was young, so I dated a lot and for a long time enjoyed being single. After I became a Christian my entire outlook on life and a future with someone changed. I wanted to find someone, get married and live happily ever after. And of course, that is not the way God works. I became engaged to a man who professed to be a Christian. I always felt he considered the church to be his rival. Thank God, for not answering the prayer to help us work it out. He admitted to having never been a Christian. Everything was a lie.Several years passed and I finished a Masters degree and focused on church and career. I wanted to find someone. A friend taught me to be very specific in prayer and ask God for exactly the type of husband I wanted. I made a detailed list and I prayed over it for months and absolutely nothing happened.One night while reading my Bible I asked God why He could create the beauty of rainbows and do all His mighty works and He could not help me find a husband. Talk about being bummed out, I was. More time passed by and finally the fog lifted and I knew what was wrong. I retrieved that list of qualities I wanted in a husband. This time I prayed to be of the woman a man of that caliber would want. This went on for some time. Out of the blue, I met a wonderful man.It was like we jelled immediately. My friends said from the first date we acted as if we had been together a long time. I can say with all certainty God directed our path to each other. He became a member of my church and spent a lot of time with our minister, just clarifying what a Christian marriage should be. We married 6 months after meeting and have been married over 30 years. Our marriage has been much more than I asked God to give me. We have been soul mates, (yes, they do exist) through the years. My heart still skips a beat when my husband comes home. And he is 79 years old and I am almost 70. Because God was the main part of both our lives He brought us together. I still thank God for my husband every time I pray. Don't give up. Maybe you need to be refined a bit before meeting the type of mate you want. I would encourage you to pray for your future husband or wife, even though you haven't met. Maybe he or she needs to be refined before God brings you together. Pray! Don't be cynical. It can happen to anyone, if it is in God's will. The wait will seem like it was nothing, because God in control.

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    1. What a beautiful testimony, Jennifer. My story isn't quite the same as yours, but I can definitely identify with the part about finding my soul mate. God makes all the difference, for sure!!

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  12. I love your site. 💕 Thank you for all your help throughout the years.

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