Three Major Reasons for Conflict

marriage, conflict, Bible
Free Digital photos artur 84
What causes most of your arguments with your husband?

1. Some couples argue frequently because they have underlying problems not directly related to each conflict. 

If you think this is the case in your marriage, pray about areas of bitterness you might have toward your spouse and ask God to show you healthy ways to resolve it. If you think it’s your husband who is bitter, try to calmly discuss it with him. 

Hebrews 12:15 tells us to make sure we don’t allow bitterness to grow roots in our heart. *

2. Many couples argue because they don’t communicate honestly but still expect their spouse to understand how they feel. 

Ninety per cent of the problems in TV dramas and soap operas result from lack of communication. And, in real life, relationships can suffer tragic losses due to simple misunderstandings and assumptions. 

Make sure you don't jump to conclusions. And make sure you clearly transmit your own feelings.

Hebrews 12:14 tells us to pursue peace…this means we are careful, accurate, willing to repeat ourselves and willing to draw out our spouse.

3. Some couples argue because they think their relationship can be perfect. This is a silly idea. We can pray about our spouse’s weaknesses and talk with him about them, but in the end we need to accept things we cannot change.

The famous Serenity Prayer of Reinhold Niebuhr is especially fitting. We often quote the first few lines, but here’s the whole poem: 

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, 
Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the 
Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. 

Living one day at a time, 
Enjoying one moment at a time, 
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, 
Taking, as Jesus did, 
This sinful world as it is, 
Not as I would have it, 
Trusting that You will make all things right, 
 If I surrender to Your will, 
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, 
And supremely happy with You forever in the next. 


Have you been able to identify the source of most of your arguments in your marriage?

In case you missed part 1: Is All Conflict Bad?

I read this article when preparing this post: Why Do Most Couples Argue 
Source for Serenity Prayer: Wiki 
* If you're bitter about something that your husband refuses to address, read 8 Steps for Overcoming Bitterness. 

This is one of my weekly marriage posts, but I post a 1-Minute devotion each weekday on my home page. If you'd like to subscribe to these 1-minute devotions, please subscribe below. Thanks! Gail 

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  1. Communication can be a huge problem! Sometimes I get frustrated with movies because the entire conflict would be solved if the characters would just talk to each other. (Of course, then there wouldn't be a story.) You've made me wonder if television and movies influence us in the ways we communicate, just as they influence us in so many other ways. Hmmm. . . .

  2. A much needed reminder! I think I have struggled with all three at one time or another. So thankful for the grace of God and my husband! Thanks for linking up with Thrive @ Home!

  3. This is a great post. I tend to assume my husband knows (or should know) what I need, think, want....but usually if you boil down our conflicts it comes to that I should have communicated better. :)


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