For many of my adult years, I took my parents for granted. I loved them, but I didn’t honor them.
3. Priority
Initiative means we take responsibility for visits, phone calls, and letters instead of expecting our parents to be responsible for maintaining our relationship.
We also take the initiative to listen to our parents and work through problems. After all, they persevered through our childhood selfishness, adolescent annoyance, and teenage arrogance.
Interest in their lives means we quit being children and become adults. They showed interest in every detail of our lives for years (and probably still do)-- we need to cultivate an interest in their lives.
Priority means we think of their needs and desires, not simply our own. It means we inconvenience ourselves at times in order to please them (Philippians 2:3-4). If we treat our friends better than we treat our parents we don't understand the meaning of honor.
The Pharisees claimed to honor God while ignoring their parents’ needs, and Jesus said, “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away.” (Matthew 15:1-9)
If you're honoring your parents...you're honoring God! It's a win-win situation!
--------------------
Note:
This devotion does not address children who have been physically or
sexually abused by parents. They must seek godly Christian counsel in
handling their relationship with their parents.
Some additional resources that will give you wisdom in this area:
Adults and the Fifth Commandment
God Didn't Ask the Impossible, only the Incredibly Difficult - an article written from a Jewish perspective with good thoughts for the Christian as well
Honoring Parents 1-Minute Archives
-------------------------------
How do you do this when they are an alcoholic and belligerent?
ReplyDeleteDear Tammy,
DeleteI'm sorry that your parents are alcoholic and belligerent. That must be difficult for you.
Fortunately, we have a wonderful, creative God, and I know He can give you wisdom for honoring your parents despite their problems.
Your job will be more challenging, but God doesn't ask us to do anything that He can't equip us to do.
I pray that you will find a peace as you let your Perfect Parent teach you how to handle your imperfect parents.
May it go well with you, my friend.
Gail
Love covers a multitude of sin. We experience this with our only living parent. Its difficult most of the time but when we love him in spite of his alcoholic state he himself says he doesn't und
Deleteerstand why we keep putting up with him. We always tell him how Jesus love us even while we were in our sins. Praise Jesus for salvation & a chance for him to see salvation in us.
Thanks for your insights, Carmen. I'm sure your words are a comfort to Tammy. May God continue to give you strength to offer this kind of love and honor to your parent.
DeleteI like this! I like how you worded this. Very true and intentional especially since they did it all my life
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristina. I'm glad this was helpful. I feel like it's an important subject for Christians.
DeleteGod bless you and Merry Christmas.
Gail
thanks
ReplyDeleteI am 60 ears old. 3 years ago, I had to stop having contact with my biological mother. She did not raise me, my step mother did and I am close to her and call her mom. My biological mother is extremely verbally abusive and very toxic. I struggle with the teaching that we as Christians have to put up with abuse in order to do the right thing. Because of her abuse I have spent much time in counseling and prayer to get over it and become a confident, functioning person in life. As a mother myself to grown children, I wouldn't expect my own to put up with verbal or any other kind of abuse. My brother often talks very negatively about her and when he does I kindly tell him I can't be involved in such talk about anyone, especially because she is still our biological mother. I have asked the Lord to forgive me for any bitterness that was in my heart toward her and I actually feel sorry for her, but I don't think choosing to not be around her is dishonoring her, it's just a matter of self protection. I have prayed about this situation and every time the Lord has given me scripture or I hear a sermon shortly after how forgiveness does not mean restoration or something to that affect. I have stated my case to her and even asked her to go to counselling with me, which she refuses to do stating there is nothing wrong with her, it's just me. According to Matthew 18, I have done all I can do to make the situation right with her and still she refuses to even acknowledge there is a problem, and after having done all that is advised, it says to not have anything more to do with that person. I would like to know your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYou've done the two things that God requires in such a situation: You've made genuine efforts to reconcile and you've forgiven.
DeleteSadly, I often find that people with genuinely toxic parents are more likely to forgive and seek peace than those with normal, loving, imperfect parents.
That is good to hear because I had a mental breakdown over being so conflicted with thinking it had to be something I was doing wrong or some kind of unforgiveness on my part. I knew she was always verbally abusive, but as Christians we’re told to honor our parents, so I just continued to put up with it until I had a breakdown. Now she just tells me I’m crazy and if I commit suicide, it’s not her fault. She’s also told me not to contact her or my father. So these kind of devotionals always kind of depress me. I just give it to God because he knows my heart.
DeleteDear Sheila,
DeleteThis devotion is written for the majority of adult children who are judgmental and critical toward their parents who love them.
Your situation is different. You cannot force people to care for you. I know this from my own experience. I have loved ones who have rejected me and I don't know why, but there's nothing I can do when they refuse all of my attempts to reconcile.
Don't feel depressed. You cannot change your parents' hearts. But you can change your own and let the Lord comfort you.
Again, I'm so sorry for your pain.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHi Narde,
DeleteMatthew 18 is a passage about church discipline. If a church member is involved in a serious lifestyle sin and isn't repentant, this passage explains how to handle it.
We can humbly and respectfully confront our parents about serious sins, but unless they are members of our church, and they refuse correction from the church leaders, we have no Scriptural reason to cut off contact with them.
It's sad that so many people miss the point that honoring parents blesses the child. It's more about our relationship with the Lord than our relationship with our parents. Christianity is about doing the right thing even when it's hard, especially when it's hard.
Scripture doesn't say, "Honor your father and mother if they are good people." It simply says "Honor your father and mother..." And it adds a promise. No matter how your parents respond, God promises to bless you for obeying this command.
Thank you Gail, that is comforting to know. I Have to admit that sometimes I still struggle with bitterness and pain, but I immediately turn my eyes to Jesus and ask for Him to keep my heart tender to His will. I truly enjoy receiving your 1 minute Bible love notes!
ReplyDeleteThank You again and God Bless!
It's natural to struggle a bit with bitterness, but you are doing exactly the right thing! I pray God will show you how precious you are to Him. He's the best Parent of all!
DeleteWhat are your thoughts on this? When a son decides with his wife that once they have their first child, Mother's Day is to honor his wife and I am not able to see them on that day. I took that hard - after two years God gave me the grace to agree to see them another day even though I told them I still disagreed with their choice. I raised two children as a single parent when my first husband left me. I even asked if I could just have an hour at the end of the day but he said he had to honor his wife, of which I reminded him of the commandment of honoring your parents. This is how it has been for the last 9 years. Mother's Day is hurtful to me and my Mom is almost 97 and in the last stage of Alzheimers so I'm sure I will dislike mother's day even more after that. I don't have any anger towards my son and my intuition tells me it is by the request of my daughter in law. But I show grace and love in abundance because I want to live out my faith and please the Lord and He commands us to do this. Just wondering what people thought of this choice. Thank you for any input!
ReplyDeleteHi Otis,
DeleteI'm sorry that you are feeling neglected on Mother's Day.
I think a husband should be able to honor both his wife and his mother on Mother's Day, and one shouldn't take precedence over the other. I also think your request for an hour at the end of the day is very reasonable, and while I don't understand all of the circumstances, your son's refusal to do that seems a bit stubborn and inconsiderate.
I'm sorry about your mother's condition, and I know that must make your situation more difficult.
I appreciate your perspective - refusing to get angry and continuing to show grace.
And maybe it will help you to consider some of the mothers I hear from via email and some I know personally, who get no contact from their adult children on Mother's Day or any other holiday. I encourage you to pray for those women when you feel the sadness about your situation. I always helps me to think of others in worse situations when I'm feeling sad about my own.
God bless you.
Thank you so much. God bless you.
ReplyDelete