According the author Dennis Rainey, the Fifth Commandment is “the forgotten commandment."
"Instead of honoring our parents, we’ve taken the better part of the past three decades to bash, blame, and attack our parents for their faults and failures. Our parents have become a toxic waste site on which to dump the blame of our dysfunction. In the process of analyzing our backgrounds…we failed to take responsibility for our own attitudes and actions. We have failed to obey that which God clearly commands: to honor our parents.”(1)
For many years I underestimated the Fifth Commandment “which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” Ephesians 6:2-3
Then I realized I couldn’t honor God without taking it seriously. It’s counter-culture to obey this command, but the benefits are worth it!
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(1) The Tribute by Dennis Rainey, Word Publishing, 1994, page 3,4
copyright Gail Burton Purath, 2012
By now you may realize that honoring parents is a recurring theme on Bible Love Notes. That's because I think it's an important part of our well-being as individuals, families and a society.
Note:
This article is not addressing children who have been physically or
sexually abused by parents. They must seek godly Christian counsel in
handling their relationship with their parents.
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Some additional resources that will give you wisdom in this area:
3 Aspects of Honoring Parents--1-minute devotion
How Can You Honor Parents When You Feel They Don't Deserve it? by Sabrina Beasley
God Didn't Ask the Impossible, only the Incredibly Difficult an article written from a Jewish perspective with good thoughts for the Christian as well
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I find it very hard to give my mother( in law) in a good place in my life. (And heart)
ReplyDeleteHow will I do that? I have no respect for her.
In Dutch there is a difference between honor and respect.
I'm not sure I can trust her.
She is no longer an alcoholic, yet there is something that makes me not trust her.
I have reserves in contact with her.
You have good posting. I think many people struggle with this commandment
Jedidja, I think the articles suggested at the bottom of my post might help you, especially "How Can You Honor Parents When You Feel They Don't Deserve it?" by Sabrina Beasley.
DeleteI'm not sure trust is a necessary part of honor. King David showed great respect for King Saul, but he didn't necessarily trust him.
I'm praying God will help you deal with this difficult situation.
Thanks for your comment.
Gail
My mother has been a believer for about 40 years. But, she has some deeply ingrained dysfunctional patterns and codependent habits from being raised in an alcoholic home. Jedidja, I want you to know that we have to draw healthy boundaries with our parents. That is not pleasant process--but, it DOES honor them.
DeleteMy mother doesn't acknowledge this process as honor. In fact, she spent 6 months using this verse as a weapon against me, in an effort to manipulate me and control me into her idea of honor. I would tell her "I feel" and "It hurts me because" statements. She would reply, "Exodus 20:12" and that is all.
It devastated me, until God gave me this verse Isaiah 54:17, "No weapon fashioned against you shall prevail and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord." You have a new heritage given to you. No weapon that's fashioned against you will prevail--even a misused Bible verse.
The Lord alone judges your actions and your attitudes. You can honor your parents, even if the parent doesn't recognize that.
Kim, that is not necessarily true. I think it is a big stretch and a misapplication of God's word. God would not tell us to honor our parents, then refute that with another scripture. Please pray this through.
DeleteSee above: God didn't ask the impossible, only the difficult. Forgiving is just that, you don't have to trust. Just forgive and remember, your mom in law is created in God's image. Forgive. Trust can be built slowly just give it time.
DeleteI enjoyed this blog. It can be hard in some cases like Jedidja to give respect but I'm glad you shared this as it is often overlooked today.
ReplyDeleteA very sobering word and good idea to include related resources. For various reasons, one might find it difficult to extend honor but it does not negate our responsibility to do so.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you talked about this. You are so right, it is so neglected.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up.