Shades of Gray Divorce

I'm always shocked by divorce, but especially when it comes after 20-30 years of marriage.

“Gray divorces” (divorces among couples over age 50) increased from 10% in 1990 to 25% in 2009." And most of these divorces were not over anything dramatic like infidelity. They were caused by couples slowly drifting apart.

While my own marriage went through a difficult transition during the empty nest stage, my husband and I are currently enjoying our senior years of marriage more than any other stage. But statistics show a growing discontent among our peers. 

A good marriage in the senior years depends a great deal on how we deal with our marriage before that stage of life. Very often, couples emotionally divorce before they legally divorce.

How does emotional divorce happen?

When one or both spouses:

• Give up hope that their marriage will ever be better.
• Think their spouse is the only person who needs to change.
• Focus more on children, career, or friends than on their marriage.
• Refuse to forgive.
• Become indifferent.
• Blame their spouse for everything.
• Make separate plans and set separate goals.
• Have no common hobbies or leisure activities.
• Quit communicating in genuine ways.
• Quit listening to their spouse's needs.
• Quit sharing their heart with their spouse.
• Neglect their physical relationship.

Marriage isn’t about honoring a piece of paper (i.e. marriage certificate); it’s about honoring a relationship. 

Biblical principles heal, improve, sustain, and enhance our marriage relationship:

💙 Forgiveness 
Ephesians 4:32: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.


💙 Perseverance
Galatians 6:9: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


💙 Faithfulness
Hebrews 13:4: Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

💙Humble Consideration 
Philippians 2:3: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

God wants us to have a vibrant, healthy, growing marriage. But we must do our part by applying God’s principles to our marriages. This is best if it's done throughout our lives, but it's never to late to turn things around!

Have you prayed today for your marriage? Have you asked God to show you areas where you have failed to stay connected to your spouse? Have you asked God to make you sensitive to your spouse’s needs/problems/desires?

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another...And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." 
Colossians 3:12-14

Source: Divorce Can Come in Shades of Grey

Additional helps:
Forgiveness: A Truth No One Refutes
Repentance: Self-Defense and How to Say "I'm Sorry"
Adding enjoyment and avoiding problems: 5 Ways to be Your Husband's Girlfriend and Married but Acting Single

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