Why 25% of Parents and Adult Children Are Estranged

There was a time when people didn't expect their parents to be perfect because they understood that they themselves weren't perfect. This was especially true of Christians who understood God's grace and believed God when He said honoring parents was good for our well-being (Ephesians 6:2-3).

One of my Christian friends nursed her dying alcoholic father even though he'd never been there when she needed him. She understood and believed Christ's words in Luke 6:32-33:

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.” 

She also understood that disrespect of parents shows disrespect for God's commands (Ephesians 6:2-3; 2 Timothy 3:1-5).

Authorities are quick to blame parents for adult relationship problems, but the facts don't support that claim. Statistics reveal that 1% of the population has suffered from parental abuse or neglect, but 25% of adult children have chosen to estrange themselves from their parents (source). I'm sure there are extenuating circumstances in some cases, but most of these estrangements result from adult children imposing unreasonable expectations on their parents or simply being too selfish to put effort into the relationship (see 5 Types of Unjustified Correction).

Many pseudo-Christian teachings are encouraging this parental estrangement in direct contradiction to God's loving commands.

Let's trust God's Word and grow up.

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See Whiners and Shiners and No One to Blame but Ourselves. And if you are having trouble understanding the importance of honoring your parents, please take time to read all of the articles in Bible Love Notes’ Honoring Parents Collection.

⯈ Note: It's a terrible thing for a parent to physically or sexually abuse a child. If you were a victim of genuine abuse, you will need to handle your relationship carefully and prayerfully. This devotion is for the more than 99% of people in the world who had good, mediocre, or difficult parents. 

Please note this significant difference:

The behavior of the 1% of abusive parents is widely condemned inside and outside the church, and it should be. It is ungodly and tragic.

However, the behavior of the 25% of adult children cutting off their parents is widely affirmed inside and outside the church and supported by a variety of half-truth teachings such as Boundaries. This is one of many signs that Satan has blinded the minds of unbelievers (2 Corinthians 4:4), and some believers are also buying into his lies (2 Corinthians 11:3-4). That is also ungodly and tragic.

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