I recently heard a group of Christians explaining that shame is never a healthy part of Christianity. They said Jesus always offered grace, never shaming anyone, and Christians should do the same.
Certainly, there are inappropriate types of shame, but being ashamed of our sins is a good thing, not a bad thing.
Contrary to some popular false teachings:
1. Jesus was hated because He exposed people's sins (John 7:7; John 3:19-20, John 15:18).
He loves us and wants us to understand the serious nature of our sins.
2. Jesus didn't simply rebuke Pharisees.
It's popular to claim that Jesus only rebuked self-righteous people. But anyone who excuses, minimizes, or redefines their sins is self-righteous because they're calling God a liar (1 John 1:8-10). See Let’s Not Ignore Our Own Hypocrisy.
3. Jesus judged and warned the adulterous woman.
People often use John 8:1-11 to claim that Christ never judges anyone. Wrong. Jesus didn’t “condemn” the adulterous woman to death, but he loved her enough to publicly warn her to repent of her lifestyle (John 8:11).(1)
4. Shame is an appropriate response to sin.
Paul rebuked the Corinthians so they would have "godly sorrow" (2 Corinthians 7:8-12). James 4:8-10 tells us to “grieve” about our sins and humble ourselves before the Lord. In fact, when someone "sears" their conscience, they lose their “sense of shame” (Ephesians 4:19).
5. Christians are commanded to graciously expose sin (Galatians 6:1; Ephesians 5:11-12; 2 Timothy 4:2).
Christ is eager to forgive, but we can't understand His grace until we recognize our sins and repent.
💙Beyond 1-minute for those who want more:
See Shame, Guilt, Conviction, Why Being Crushed is a Good Thing, and 6 Aspects of Godly Sorrow.
(1) The men who brought the woman to Jesus wanted Him to condemn her to death by stoning. He refused to do this. He judged the men, but He also judged and warned the woman.
Shame is a delicate topic. I once heard someone say: "God gives us just enough shame so that we don't walk to the grocery store naked." A quick search of the Scriptures shows a number of times in which the un-Godly and unrighteous feel 'a-shamed' and God says our enemies will be put to shame. Some places where the word: 'shame' is translated would require further study because different translations use a different word for shame such as 'disgrace'.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that 'shame' can truly be applied to a believer. My reason for saying so is because I've always understood that: 'guilt says I've done a bad thing, shame says I'm a bad person.' We know that Romans 8:1 says: 'There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.'
If we sin, guilt is a 'gift', an alarm that draws it to our attention so that we can repent, receive forgiveness, and move on with the Lord. I don't believe that God wants His children to feel shame (though it does have its place and serves a purpose to encourage decency). As a parent, I want my child to feel guilt if they've done something wrong so that they can learn from their mistake, but I have no desire to 'shame' them.
God wanted the woman caught in adultery to feel guilt for her trespass so she would repent and sin no more. At the same time, He did not shame her. He tenderly forgave her and shielded her from those who intended to condemn her, shame her, and stone her to death.
Just some thought on this topic. (((HUGS)))
Hi Jude,
DeleteYou're not alone in thinking that shame is the same as condemnation.
In fact, I think it's been taught that way in the church at times. But it's not biblically accurate.
There are some types of shame that are wrong. For example when Satan tries to make a Christian feel ashamed when they've been forgiven or when Satan gives us a sense of shame without any reason.
But teachings that claim Christians should not experience shame are more influenced by the self-esteem movement than the Bible. And I'm not sure I see a difference in your descriptions of guilt and shame except that guilt can be used without the person feeling any shame. For example, a person might be guilty of a crime, but have no remorse. But saying we want our child to understand his guilt is the same as understanding his shame.
In John 8, the men specifically tell Jesus that the law of Moses commanded people caught in adultery to be condemned to death. Jesus did not condemn her to be stoned to death for her sin. But He wanted her to feel shame for her sins or He wouldn't have publicly told her to stop sinning. I don't see anything in that Scripture passage that says Jesus was shielding her from being ashamed.
The verse about Christians being under no condemnation means something similar: we are no longer condemned to eternal death. But that's not the same as shame, guilt, or conviction. Christians should feel ashamed when we sin as explained in James 4:8-10, a passage addressed to believers:
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
In addition, Jesus says, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent." (Revelation 3:19). If we aren't ashamed to be rebuked by Jesus, then we don't understand the serious nature of our sins.
And Hebrews 12 tells us that God disciplines us as a loving father disciplines his children. It even says he "punishes" or chastens us which has a stronger meaning than discipline. And verse 11 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
Being confronted with the shame of our sins is not meant to feel good. It's not meant to build up our view of ourselves or make us feel accepted. If we feel sorry for ourselves because we're rebuked for sins we've committed, then we don't understand our sins.
You said you have no desire to "shame" your child, and most of us would agree because that term rarely means to make your child aware of his/her sins. It is typically used to mean making someone ashamed when they should not be ashamed, ashamed for something over which they have no control. But, if shaming a child means confronting him with the serious nature of his sin, then Christians are called to shame our children.
Shame is a very normal aspect of life that should lead to repentance.
I hope that helps clarify. Some of it is based on words that our culture has re-defined to fit the way culture redefines and minimizes sin. It can be hard for Christians to hold on to the Biblical meaning of words and be unashamed to be ashamed for our sin. :)
I hear you, Gail. Perhaps it's a matter of semantics. What you are defining as 'shame', I define as 'guilt'.
DeleteWhen we become a new creature in Christ, we are one with Him. If we sin, feeling 'guilt' is a good thing. It's a sign that our conscience has not been seared with a hot iron. But 'shame' is usually felt when the accuser of the brethren begins pointing his finger to make a person feel as if they are a bad person (vs. did a bad thing), perhaps even without Hope of redemption.
Although our 'old man' is wretched and will feel shame, our 'new man' is redeemed, and in Christ need not feel shame (as in: 'I'm a bad person'). Guilt, yes; shame, no. Shame, for a believer, can be a hindrance and a stumbling block. It can often make it difficult to embrace God's forgiveness. Paul struggled at one point when he viewed his 'flesh' as wretched. But when he saw himself as a new creature in Christ, he was freed.
The 'old man', the 'flesh', rightfully feels shame. However, the new regenerated man in which all things have become new, need not feel shame for even if they do sin, they can immediately come before the Throne with boldness for forgiveness with a repentant heart. Shame could inhibit that boldness.
'Shame and regret are part of what is behind us'. As the preacher said: "God gives us just enough shame so that we don't walk to the grocery store naked." When Adam & Eve sinned, they felt shame. What did God do? He clothed them (Gen. 3:21). They were rightly to feel guilt, and they had to bear the consequences of their sin. However, God clothed them when they felt shame (naked).
I would also have to differentiate between doing something that displeases God (a sin), and one who professes Christ yet continues in sin. One who continues in sin, Paul says should feel shame (1 Cor. 15:34). Such a person is living in the flesh, not in the Spirit. Their 'old man' is in charge, rather than Jesus being Lord. So, shame can be appropriate (nakedness, continuous sin, etc.).
However, for the one whose life is hidden in Christ and in a weak moment commits a sin, guilt that leads to a rapid repentance is appropriate (1J. 3:6; 5:18). Whereas, shame may cause them to dwell on the flesh and their sin, making it difficult to feel the Love of God and receive His forgiveness.
I realize it's a fine line. However, we also walk a narrow path. (((HUGS)))