These are three major sources of conflict between husbands and wives:
1. Underlying problems.
I've noticed that sometimes I'm irritable with my husband, but I'm actually upset about something unrelated.
It's good to pause and think about the reasons for our anger. Are we angry at our spouse or upset about something else? Or perhaps we're angry about a past problem with our spouse that needs to be discussed and forgiven.
"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Colossians 3:13
For more help from Scripture, read 8 Steps for Overcoming Bitterness.
2. Poor Communication.
Ninety per cent of the problems in TV dramas and soap operas result from lack of communication. And, in real life, relationships can suffer tragic losses due to simple misunderstandings and assumptions. Make sure you don't jump to conclusions. And make sure you clearly transmit your own feelings clearly.
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..." James 1:19
For a humorous look at poor communication, read Cookie Thieves.
3. Unrealistic Expectations.
I believe unrealistic expectations cause not only arguments, but many divorces. Marriage can be the most wonderful, fulfilling relationship in our lives, but it's still the union of two sinners.
People who expect everything to be perfect will never be happy. Good marriages involve lots of forgiveness and understanding. They may go through "messy" transitions. But good things are in store for those who persevere.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
For more wisdom about unrealistic expectations, see Expectations Mess us Up.
The famous Serenity Prayer of Reinhold Niebuhr is especially fitting. We often quote the first few lines, but here’s the whole poem:
God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the
Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen!
Communication can be a huge problem! Sometimes I get frustrated with movies because the entire conflict would be solved if the characters would just talk to each other. (Of course, then there wouldn't be a story.) You've made me wonder if television and movies influence us in the ways we communicate, just as they influence us in so many other ways. Hmmm. . . .
ReplyDeleteA much needed reminder! I think I have struggled with all three at one time or another. So thankful for the grace of God and my husband! Thanks for linking up with Thrive @ Home!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. I tend to assume my husband knows (or should know) what I need, think, want....but usually if you boil down our conflicts it comes to that I should have communicated better. :)
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