Self-Esteem's Twisted Proverb

This is the second in a series introduced HERE.

Secular and Christian "authorities" tell us self-esteem is incredibly important and incredibly fragile:
  

• "Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don't realize what messages they are sending." Virginia Satir (1916 –1988) influential American psychotherapist who represents the view of many psychologists

• "Self-esteem is the most fragile attribute in human nature; it can be damaged by a very minor incident and its reconstruction is often difficult to engineer." James Dobson, Dare to Discipline, influential Christian author and leader who represents the view of many Christians

 

According to self-esteem theories, a high self-esteem is essential for everyone's health and well-being.

It's become a major element of child-rearing, criminal rehabilitation, and addict recovery. 

However, studies show that self-esteem is not the answer to our human problems. (See Research Shows Harms of High Self-Esteem.)

Despite the facts that its a totally secular philosophy and it doesn't work, it's become deeply embedded in Christian teaching. 

It has taken us captive:

"See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ."  Colossians 2:8
 

In this post, I'll cover one of the Scripture passages commonly misused to support self-esteem philosophy.

1. Proverbs 23:7: "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" 

  
This is often quoted by self-esteem advocates to "prove" that what a person thinks about himself is what he'll become. Therefore, we should think highly of ourselves.

To have this meaning, this verse must be:

• cut in half
• taken out of context
• only quoted in KJV

The entire verse in the KJV reads:
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee."
And in the NIV:
"For he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the cost. 'Eat and drink,' he says to you, but his heart is not with you."

This Proverb is about the thoughts of a stingy man, not about self-esteem.

We don't become who we think we are.

Feelings of inferiority as well as feelings of superiority are based on false views of self, but they do not make a person inferior or superior.

I might have such high self-esteem that I think I'm a writer in the same league as C. S. Lewis. But that wouldn't make me such a writer. It would make me an arrogant fool. And that's exactly what we're encouraging in our children when we teach them to think highly of themselves.

"Tracking almost 1,000 Australian high school boys for two years, the researchers found that over time, overconfidence about one’s athleticism and intelligence predicted neither better mental health nor better athletic or academic performance." (source)
  

 
The Bible says our goal should be a realistic view of ourselves:

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." Romans 12:3

If our human problem was low self-esteem, surely God would have inspired Paul to write "Do not think of yourself more lowly than you ought."

Seeing ourselves realistically means acknowledging our weaknesses, sins, and failures as well as our strengths and successes.  The Bible clearly shows that human history is characterized by excusing our sin and inflating our goodness. That is our greatest problem.

When we teach children they can be anything they want as long as they believe in themselves, we are not being realistic or honest. We are not all given the same gifts or even an equal number of gifts. We should encourage our children to use whatever gifts, skills, and talents they possess to esteem God. Then, as they obey God and begin to understand His love and purposes in their lives, they will have a properly balanced self-image (Ephesians 3:14-4:32).

God's Word is the most relevant, unchanging, perfect, eternal view of man's needs and problems.

 If low self-esteem was such an important problem and human self-esteem was as fragile as many secular and Christian authorities purport, God would surely have addressed it. 

But the only places the Bible mentions self-esteem is to rebuke those who have too much of it.

Please read the rest of this series linked below:

Part 1: The Dangers of Promoting High Self-Esteem
Part 2: Self-Esteem's Twisted Proverb
Part 3: Self-Esteem's Twisted Words of Christ
Part 4: Self-Esteem's Twisted Psalm
Part 5: The Old Testament Refutes Self-Esteem Philosophy
Part 6: Godly Nurture Does Not Promote High Self-Esteem
Part 7: Secular Studies Agree with the Bible