Tuesday

Are Men From Mars?

differences in men and women, understanding gender differences, Men are from mars and women are from Venus
I used to get so frustrated.

I’d want a shoulder to cry on, but my husband would give me a list of solutions!

In the 1990's, the book Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus spent 121 weeks on the bestseller list. It's not a Christian book. In fact, the author is into Eastern religions and is twice divorced. But the book hit a nerve with millions of people by pointing out the obvious: men and women think differently.

God designed us differently...He created male and female...and there are some huge differences between us.

Not everyone fits the pattern, but women typically process things by “thinking out loud”—talking through every thought and feeling. There’s nothing wrong with this if the process helps us gain perspective and isn't simply complaining.

But men are typically problem-solvers who skip the listening and sympathizing part and go straight for the kill. They want to become our “answer men.”

When I finally realized the obvious--that my husband and I think differently, I started warning him of what was coming: 

“I just want a listening ear,” I’d start out, “No answers, just some sympathy while I talk this through.”

As simple as it sounds, this works! 

My husband still operates in the "automatic problem-solving response mode"—but when I remind him, he tries to shut it down so he can listen and let me process. It helps him to know that he doesn't have to come up with a solution--he can actually relax. And it helps me to know my processing won't be repeatedly interrupted by an answer to a problem that may not be the problem at all.



Scripture says: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" Ephesians 4:2.
  • So let's communicate our desires humbly, gently and patiently--helping our husbands understand where we're coming from (not from Venus but from bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh*)
  • Let's bear with our husband's inborn tendency to problem-solve
  • Let's make it easy for our husbands to bear with our tendency to think out loud
Do you have any experiences similar to mine? Why not leave me a comment. 
* Genesis 2:23

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6 comments:

  1. I have definitely heard of that book but never picked it up. I love that God made us different, and as we learn to work with that I think we will see how God created us to balance each other out, at least that's my take on it. :)

    Blessings,
    Nicole
    Working Kansas Homemaker

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    Replies
    1. Amen! VIVA LA DIFFERENCE! We need/love the differences, but they can be an opportunity/challenge to learn/live with in some areas : )

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  2. I agree. Let's be thankful that men are different than we are! I know I definitely need my husband's strong muscles a lot when I cannot do something; I also need his common sense approach to my problems when I am overly emotional. Great post!

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  3. LOL. I can so relate to this..."Please just listen honey." Oh my. Thanks for linking up to Titus 2 Tuesdays on Cornerstone Confessions!

    Kathy

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  4. I think every married couple has the same fights : ) Thanks so much for linking up with me, hope you'll join again this week : )

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  5. Oh how true this is! I have done the same thing with my husband (after reading that book) with much success. It has done wonders for our communicating. And, sometimes, now I even find myself asking for his "bottom-line" problem solving two-cents worth. God definitely knew what He was doing when He made men and women different. Because He also made us to complement each other. It just took me a while to really realize what that meant! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for linking up with NOBH! Smiles -

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All Scripture references NIV unless otherwise noted.